Victory Over Bitter Difficulties

A couple of years ago I was in a church that turned out to be a very bad experience. Things happened that many would say should never happen in a church to a pastor let alone anyone. Things were not dealt with correctly and feelings were hurt. I walked away from that experience bitter, angry and hurt. I loved the people that I served but other things held me back. I also walked away from that experience telling myself and God that I was never going back into church ministry again. I told Him that it was not worth it and I guess that I could not take the pressures of ministry! As time pushed on I found myself in a huge green house working with plants. With this pain and bitterness from the church experience I started to burn bridges with people that I had known for a while. This I regret terrible after all of the hurt has passed. Two individual I apoligized to about three weeks ago and in God's hand healing has begun. As time went on in as I worked in the greenhouse I still felt that I was not going to back into the ministry but the hurt and anger slowly started to fad away but the bitterness nagged on like a cancer to my spirit. Because of the bitterness my attitude started to turn sour and things that I would have trusted to Jesus to look after in my life I started to take into my own hands and distrusted Jesus. With this happening I started to burn more bridges in the greenhouse that I was working at. For a time I stopped going to church and used work as a safety net to keep myself from going into a church and facing the bitterness that I had from my experience. I was ashamed of what I had become but yet I would still harbour the ugly bitterness in my heart. I left that job because nothing was going my way. What a selfish attitude I had. This not an attitude of a mature Christian pastor but an attitude of a whinny brat. In which I was! A big whinny little brat! I left that job to start the job that I am in now. As I started and worked with the kids that I am with I learned from them that if anyone had anything to be bitter, hurt, angry, and in pain it should be them. I read and learn about their screwed up families, what they have been through I realized that I had been a selfish baby and I had no right to act the way that I had been acting. I started to pick up the Bible and read. Jesus and I started going for walks together and he helped me loose about 30 pounds. Though that Jesus started to renew a right spirit within me and rekindle the passion of church ministry. I sense that I need to go back. I do not know when exactly or how But I will begin heading that direction again.
I thank my wife for putting up with me in all of this and walking with me the whole way. Some people would have just left me in my miserable state. And most importantly I need to give Jesus the glory for being so faithful for when I was not. This reminds me of the lyrics from a Skillet song. "You are more faithful then the rising sun. You are more faithful then the changing of seasons." Thank you Jesus!